I have become a parent. I have become a mother. I have become more mature and strong woman. But that doesn’t mean motherhood is an easy task because its not. My child is twenty one months old now and it means that its been almost two years since I entered this level of life called motherhood! This is the hardest job I’ve ever have. Sometimes I feel guilty whether I’ve done enough to take care of my child, to nourish her with good things, to teach her everything. I sometimes feel I am irresponsible mother. In the sense that sometimes I hardly understand her needs like crying in the middle of the night and I didn’t understand how she feels. Is she hungry, thirsty or sick? I am trying to be her best mother. Trying my best to attain all her needs. I may not be her perfect mother but I am trying to be perfect for her.

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There is no right or wrong in parenting. It is how you deal with it and solve the problems. There is no perfect guidelines either. It all depends on how you manage to control everything. Motherhood is very interesting and stressful at the same time. In my part, i haven’t had time for myself where i can say i am alone, me alone time. I sometimes feel helpless and wanted to have free time but i just couldn’t do it. Hubby and i do not have any date anymore. I’m talking about only the two of us. Well, we do not have grandparents to watch over Rianna or someone else. And even if we have, we don’t really like other people to take care of our child. We are not sure how our little daughter get along with other people she didn’t know. And that means i can only leave her when we put her to the day care center someday when i will start my schooling. Maybe next year, not sure really. There is no single day when i am away from my child. I do not know how she would react if mama is not with her in a whole day. And i do not know how i would react either. Not seeing her in a few minutes makes me miss her already. How much more in one day or so? I guess i am not ready to leave my child to other people yet.